What's on Tonight? 2/16/2011

Justified: Last week was the premiere, and it was pretty damn good. It seems this season revolves around people growing pot instead of people cooking meth. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Season 3 is going to be about cocaine.

Modern Family: This week guest stars Matt Dillion, so it should be pretty funny. This week Lily has a princess-themed birthday party. So expect to see every princess/gay joke in the book. I'm just glad I found out that Haley, the oldest daughter, is 20 years old in real life. I don't feel so dirty anymore. (Hit the jump for some of her pics)


Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior (Series Premiere): *sigh*..  another crime drama spin off. This is what happens when the Nielsen Ratings Company only gives rating boxes to old people. Forest Whitaker stars in this series, so I guess that means him and his wonky eye can't get a decent movie role anymore.

Prepare to be Jealous of Complete Idiots

Seeing things like this really make me mad and jealous. I mean, I can act like a retarded juiced up, over bronzed muscle head but I won't get a dime from it. The cast from the Jersey Shore apparently makes more money in a month than I make in a year. 

Hell, Snooki makes more than President Obama. Yes, that's right, a girl that probably didn't graduate from High School makes more money than the leader of the United States of America. 

Below is a breakdown of the money making numbers of the Jersey Shore cast. (Developed by Online Schools. Full sized version here.)

What's on Tonight? Valentines Day!

Mad Love (Series Premiere): I think I'm gonna give this show a shot. Although I hate Jason Biggs, it has Sarah Chalke, who is all around hot and was great in Scrubs. And it has Judy Greer, who does the voice for Cheryl on "Archer". Hopefully Jason Biggs isn't his usual unfunny self.

Jeopardy!: I usually don't care about game shows, but this episode is where they prove the Terminator movies true. Humanity is doomed! Dooooooooooomed!! But, I for one welcome our robot overlords.

The Bachelor: I only mention this show today because it's a two hour special where the 6 remaining girls will be taking near naked photos of themselves for the new SI's Swimsuit Edition. I don't even know if that will get me to watch it.

Dog Show!: The 135th Annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (mouthful there) is tonight on USA. I can never sit through these things, but my girlfriend loves them. I'd rather watch "When Dogs Attack 6: Daycare Center", but to each their own.

Best Grammy Report from Last Night

"Berry Berry Hevy Bertation Tonight"

You can replay this video over and over and still not figure out what she's trying to say. Serene Branson of LA’s CBS 2 News was rumored to have a stroke last night on the air at the Grammys, but it's still unconfirmed.

I almost feel bad repeatedly laughing at this. Hopefully she's okay and I can stop pretending to feel guilty about laughing.

Video after the jump...

Bear Grylls Makes Friends with a Seal

 

 

Why Bear Grylls?? Why?? I know he's trying to "survive", but holy shit that's just brutal. And then he wears it...   poor little seal.

What's on Tonight? Weekend Edition!

Left or Right?

Fringe: I hate that this show was moved to Fridays, the so called Death Slot night. But, it's getting good ratings... except for last week when "Super Bowl’S GREATEST COMMERCIALS" beat it. Really America? Really? Oh, and we get to see Red Hair Olivia this week. Awesome.

An Idiot Abroad (Science Channel): This show came from the mind of Ricky Gervais and some other guy. It has some funny parts, but at an hour long, I kinda wonder off and start playing Angry Birds on my phone. This week the Idiot guy travels to Mexico to see the Chichen Itza.

Bob's Burgers: I'm just glad this show made it to Sunday night on Fox instead of another Seth McFarland show. I used to love Family Guy, but now I only find American Dad worth watching. Bob's Burger is funny.. and Jon H Benjamin is hilarious.

53rd Annual Grammy Awards: Ugh... does anyone watch award shows anymore? I'm going to turn it into a drinking game. Everytime you see Ke$ha and feel sorry for her, take a drink!! I'm gonna be trashed.

That midget got rocked...

Video after the jump

 There's two reasons why Mexican TV is better than most other countries: Insanely hot girls as TV hosts and their no holds bar destroying of little people in wrestling. That little guy went flying!

Now I don't know if the plan was for that guy to go flying head first into that other guy, but the aftermath of all that tells me no. And that lady towards the end of the video...   She's apparently cheering for the death of the little gorilla. Mexicans are hardcore.